Szymon w Peru

How Polish are you? Just a tad? Or even more Polish than the Poles? Take this quiz and discover your rate of Polishness

1. In the past three months, have you spent over three hours sitting at a table, eating and drinking? 3 points for yes; 0 for no.
2. Do you like Prince Polo or Ptasie Mleczko? 3 points for yes; 0 for no; -1 if you don’t know what either one is.
3. Have you ever bought shampoo or toothpaste at a kiosk? 2 points for yes; 0 for no; -2 if you never bought anything at a kiosk.
4. When you are a guest at someone’s home for the first time, would you most likely show up with flowers or a gift of some kind? 3 points for yes; -1 for no.
5. Do you normally shake hands with (or kiss) everyone rather than wave hello or a good-bye to the group? 3 pints for yes; 0 for no.
6. Have you ever eaten herring? Smoked eel? Carp? 1 point for each fish, add a point for each one you enjoy; -2 if you’ve never eaten any of them.
7. Have you ever had a family member visit for longer than two weeks? 2 point for yes; 0 for no.
8. Have you slept regularly on a convertible or pull-out bed? 4 point for yes; add 2 points if you fold it up every day; 0 for no; -1 if there isn’t such a bed in your home.
9. Does your last name have three syllabes or more or at least a 3:1 ration of consonant to vowel? 1 point for yes; 0 for no.
10. When you are at the table with friends, does someone usually give a toast at some point in the evening? 3 poins for yes; 0 for no.
11. Do you go to church on most holidays? 2 points for yes; 0 for no.
12. Do you have strong views on what bigos should taste like? 2 points for yes; 0 for no; -1 if you’ve never had it homemade.
13. When guests arrive at your home, do you immediately offer them something to drink? 2 points for yest, 0 for no.
14. Have you ever entertained twelve guests in an area smaller than 40 square meters? 4 points for yes; add 2 points if it was more than sixteen guests; 0 for no; -2 if you never entertain guests or have always lived in a larger area.
15. Do you know what Wodka Zoladkowa Gorzka is? 1 points for yes, add 1 point if you like it; 0 for no.
16. Have you ever ridden maly Fiat? 4 points for yes; 0 for no; -2 if you don’t know what one is.
17. Have you ever pushed a broken-down maly Fiat down the street? 5 points for yes, add 2 points if you had to leave it at the side of the road; 0 for no.
18. For the people who have been to Warszawa (capital city). Have you strolled through Lazienki Park on Sunday afternoon? 3 points for yes; add 3 points if you were dressed nicely; 0 for no; -1 if you don’t know where the park is or have never been.

Answers:
42 points or more: Congratulation. You are outrageously Polish. Even more Polish than the Poles.
24 to 41: You are very Polish. In fact, check your passport.
11 to 23: You are fairly Polish and have great potential. Whatever you’re doing, do it some more.
1 to 10: You are only a smidgen Polish but there’s always hope. Try harder.
0 to -12: You are negative Polish which means you are fresh off the boat or just very very foreign. But it also mean that you are very pathetic. Try get out more.